Im down here, covered in crap
So yeah, I am like down in the shits right now, I dont know why, but nothing makes me happy. I watched Friends todaya and it was the one where Rachel knows she loves Ross, but hes with Julie and she wants to tell him but cant. Well she said something like, "I've hot rock bottom, but then theres 10 feet of crap, and then theres me" I am having one of these times right now. Mer is really worried about me, I know it will get better, I just and stuck in this rut and its freakin boring. I know that there are a million things that I should be happy about, but nothing is working. I try not to worry about it, and then someone asks me how I am and I say fine, and I get this look. I dont know, its retarded. I dont know what will make me happy, I guess thats the real problem. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, I feel like I am doing the wrong thing in college, but I have no idea what else I should be doing. I told Mer last night and I was like, Im just really not happy. She said that I need to find out why I fell in love with music and once I find that again, life will make sense again. I sure hope so. BLAH!
Maybe Ill feel better tomorrow.
Lol @ Me!
LOL at me, I was reading thru my old entries, check this out... I made goals for this semester...
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Wow, is my life exciting or what? Its 12:30 and I am at home.. yay me. Well in all honesty, I am exhausted and I don't feel to wonderful so I decided to just stay home. Plus I have to get up at 8 for work in the morning, so I feel like I have good reasons. I open tomorrow, so hopefully I will be off by about 3(ish) and I want to take Austin to dinner with his new boyfriend. I am so happy for him! He deserves someone wonderful :) *kisses to Austin* And Elizabeth works lunch tomorrow too so maybe she'll be able to come with us... yay! Tonight was hellish at work tonight. They gave the kids noise makers and did a balloon drop, so yeah, needless to say I had a horrible headache from all the balloons popping, screaming, and noise makers....never again. I can't wait until summer, everyone whos been there awhile says that summer is crazy mad money, so I am excited. If I stay it will be for that. I start teaching again next week... blah. I miss my kids, but I dont want to drive to Azle! Pooh! So yeah, I don't make "resolutions" because that is just asking to break them, instead I am going to make goals for myself... lets see...
1. No skipping class, unless I have a good reason. Sleep is not a good reason.
2. Homework done ON TIME
3. Start stuff early, no last minute crap
4. Stay organized
5. Clean room once a week
6. Get rid of all debt, make a list and figure out what goes where and when
7. Save money, aka actually use my savings account
8. Don't let checking account get f*cked up, keep book balanced
9. Block out time in my schedule to practice every day and always practice during that time
10. Work as much as possible, without hindering school
11. Don't whine so much
12. When school starts, block out time to work out everday *I say when school starts because I will be living on campus, and it will be easier to get there because right now I work as well*
Lets go one by one and see which one I went thru with...
1. Nope, sleep is a damn good reason!2. Homework? Whats that?3. Start stuff early, I was up till 5am the night before our theory comp was due!4. Organized.... hmmm maybe a little, no wait, I never even got around to fixing binders for this semester!5. I havent cleaned my room for alomst 2 weeks now, before that, god knows when6. Debt? Dont even start me!7. I currently have $3 in my savings account8. I think they closed my checking account9. I could probably count the number of hours I have practiced this semester on one hand10. Work? Thats for the weekends baby!11. Actually, i think this is the only one that I have kept.12. I think I went to work out... once.
Wow thats sad, I really need to get my shit together, I guess we will try again next semester
DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!
Parties and drinking are fun.... however, DRAMA is not. Oh my god, pretty much sums up all of last night. The basic theme of the story is that although I love Jen and all, she really needs to learn her limits when it comes to drinking. I mean, yeah I had a few drinks, but I waited a bit and I was perfectly fine to drive home from Nash's. But she couldnt even get out of Tunde's car when we got back to the apartments. I told Mer while we were at the gas station, I was like shes all happy arond Grant right now, but as soon as she gets drunk she will be all over Tunde, and that is exactly what happened. I am going to ask Mer to talk to me with her, because I dont want to seem too forward, but this is only because I care about her. But I dont know if she will realize that its because we care, or we are trying to jump down her thoart. I felt soo bad for Grant, he goes to Baylor and her came all the way up here to see her, and he spent most of the night trying to hold her up, which is just freakin annoying. This is my rule, if you cant walk straight, to get yourself another drink, you dont need to have one, its that simple. So when we got to Jens apartment, she told Tunde that she was comfortable with Grant spending the night. I was like oh god, when Tunde told me, so I talked to Jen and then I ended up telling Grant, I told him pretty much everything, I dont keep secrets unless I am asked to. So Grant spent the night at my apartment, on the floor, I felt really bad for him. Hes a really nice guy too and this is why nice guys turn into assholes, because girls treat them badly. I told Michael that he could spend the night as well, because he, Tunde, and Mer had a KKY workshop at SFA. Michael took a shower it my apt, and he told me that I was too good of a person, I was like, thanks. I care about my friends, and I know they would do the same thing for me.
Work today sucked, it was super slow, James actually made AM cuts on a Saturday. I have to close tomorrow night, i dont want to, I have my theory comp project and I need to study for German, but thats right... not gonna happen! Oh gotta love college life.
Sometimes, sleep is better than school
Well its 2:11, on Thursday, which means that I should be in Music Lit... thats right... Im not. I didnt go to any classes today, I have felt soo terrible. Mer asked if I was going to Ear Training this morning, I just looked at her and said no. She actually didnt fight me this time. Which was good. And then no Psychology and I called the band office and said I wasnt going to be there today. I am just going to go for our SAI meeting at 4(ish) and then Ill be done for the day. I really want to cook something, but I dont have anything besides Mac and Cheese. I could make a cheesecake, but theres no one else to eat it. Blah! Anyways, Im going to lay down some more
maybe its MY fault??
I got a really bad grade on my ear training test.... I think I am going to have to drop, I mean this grade will make it impossible to barely get a D. Which, well kinda doesnt work out too well for me. I admit, I have NEVER done MacGamut, nor have I practiced the sight singing... and I know that this isnt an excuse, but we never have had to do any of it before... so yeah. And I know this isnt an excuse either, but the class before us didnt have Dr Chave for Ear Training IV, they had an super easy teacher, who didnt care about anything! I heard from previous students that she would watch people cheat on tests, not only that but let them talk thru them. Now, if these students had to take Chave, would they pass....probably not. Blah! Stupid shit....I have psyc at 11, I think we have a test today, but hopefully, he wont be mean and give us a test the first class after Spring Break.... Oh well...
No More Spring Break Makes Me Sad :(
I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!! BAAAHHHH!
Ok, I had to get that out. I feel like I didnt accomplish anything over Spring Break, but I had a long list of things that I had to do. I needed to practice, study, clean, basically get things in order where I have screwed up the previous 8 weeks. I need to work on Wednesday, but I hope I dont because I dont want that night to be wasted when I have so much to for SAI before our meeting on Thursday. I need to contact some florists for roses, or table settings, I need to spend time with some alums to get previous memeber's contact information... omg... I can put it on our page! Duh me! Well, of course I need to do more than that... but yeah.
Man I got really sick on Friday night. i felt horrible.... Tunde called me asking if I wanted to drink with him, but good little me said no. It would have made me feel worse. Then Saturday at work... BLAH! I wanted to go home so bad because my thoart felt swollen... how gross is that?!?? But good thing I didnt because I made 100 bucks between 10:30 and 4:30... sweet huh? I had 3 parties I could put a grat on, plus most people were being nice otherwise.... My first table was a group froma church in OK and it was one of the girls' birthday. I had never truly embrassed someone at RFC before Saturday, we did it all the time at Spaghetti Warehouse tho.... I wouldnt do this unless there was a larger group of people for a birthday... anyways... I made her dance like a chicken. I was kind of scared doing this because.... well the servers at RFC dont ever do anything like this. What you do... is have the birthday person stand on a chair, tie 2 balloons together and put them behind their ears, take a triangle solo cup and have them bite down on it.... and have them put a menu under each arm... then they flap their wings and such... while we sing the Birthday song. All of the servers got a kick out of it... I hope now the other servers will have more fun with birthdays.... All the time would get old... but anyways.... it was funny for a while....
I felt really bad when I got home from work. Bill called, said he wanted to see me, but I was wearing pjs, with my hair back in pigtails... I wasnt a sight to be seen. I told him he could come over if he wanted, but he declined. I got pizza and medicine, and I was good for the night. There was supposed to be a big storm, but all we had was a lighting show. Then I went to bed... and woke up serval times during the night. But in all I slept well. I finnaly got up about 1, and talked to Mer for awhile. We went get out eyebrows waxed. The lady was really nice, but she didnt do a very good job. She didnt get any of the hairs on my nose at all, which really pissed me off when i got home, because then I have to cause myself pain, after i just paid het 12 to cause me pain... blah! I also said I wanted to keep the shape that i had which had a nice arch, but nope, that changed too.... oh well. it does look better than it did, so I guess thats all that really matters, I just wont go on Sunday again....
Well tomorrow morning is time to get my ass in gear. I have really screwed over this semester, and I have 8 weeks left to fix it.... and I am going to. I know there is no way that I can get a 4.0 but I am going to shoot for Bs. because after what I have done so far this semester, As are going to be damn near impossible! But I am going to try my best... this also includes practicing! Jessup is going to kill me if I still havent practiced my jury stuff by Wednesday! Anyways... I need to get going! Love to everyone!
Hrmmmmm
So I have spent everday of Spring Break, except Thursday (went to 6 flags) in the Monkey Pit... better known as Rainforest Cafe. This week is gone, I have done nothing excpet for wait on peope, and book Spaghetti Warehouse for the SAI 30 year Banquet. Work was hell this week, I worked mid shifts (12 hours) Mon and Wed, and Tuesdya and Friday lunch. On Tuesday I got a $108 tip. yeah, the bill was 60 something and there was 172 in the book. Yeah, I asked her 3 times if she needed change, and she knew what she was doing because the money was in order the 100, 50, 20, 1, 1.... so yeah.... i bought new shoes for work...yay me. I need to spend the rest of the weekend getting myself in order and studying... blah... I work a lunch tomorrow and I have sunday off.... thank god. Well thats about it.... :)
So very sleepy
I am so tired, I havent had a day off work since Thursday.... blah, bed... yes... I will fill you in on my evenful day at work later!
Why do people put me incharge of stuff?
Hey guys! Wow its finally here, SPRING BREAK.... Much needed. I am working M, W, F, S and on thursday i am going to 6 flags... but alas, its much better than school sometimes. I hope Ill make good money this week. I made over 100 bucks today... so yeah. I met this really cool guy, Bill....however, I am not quite fond fo that name... so if something more happens I might decide that I need to say something about the name...Hes really nice, kisses well too :) it was nice to be held... havent had that in a long time.... We went to see 50 First Dates, but there wernt any seats, so we ended up seeing EuroTrip, which was actually quite funny.
Oh man, I am in charge of planning our 30 year banquet for SAI, yeah... thats what I am going to be doing at times a I don't work this week and next. There is so much that has to get done... and invitations have to go out... yeah... its going to be a crazy week with all that crap I have to do.
Oh my god, I hate it when people talk shit about people, thinking they are perfect... long story, but this ass said my friend was a "big tittied whore" at a party on Friday night... 1st of all, she cant be a whore because shes a virgin, and shes welll.... not a whore.... I hate it when peoeple think they know so much shit, but they really know nothing. stupid ass... ok yeah Im done....
Well I am going to go lay down, I have to work another mid tomorrow.... blah!
Weel in review
Lets see.... its been an intresting week....
WEDNESDAY: i didn't go to work, I had to study for Music Lit.... did that really happen? A little bit...we ended up drinking a couple of beers, and that was about it... nothing to spectacular.
THURSDAY: MUSIC LIT WAS CANCELLED! Yay! We had an SAI meeting, it went pretty smoothly, I forgot to give Laura the MIT's schedule so she can schedule their classes. I felt kinda bad, but she has them now. We had out FLIGHT concert... it went really well, I happy with the way that it turned out. Then afterward we went to Fridays, Clements was there, he got carded... a bit funny . By the time I got back to my apartment it was 1am, I had no idea where the night went.
FRIDAY: I didnt go to any of my morning classes... I was sooo tired. I feel really bad when I miss German... but I couldn't even get out of bed. I worked, it was a decent night, nothing too spectacular. Fridays tend to suck around there.... when I got off work, Mer, Jen and I went to Tates with Michael, PJ, Tunde, Frank, and Rene. I got quite drunk...some people were worse than me tho...... a good way to end the week. I remeber most of the night, but there is about an hour or so where I cant remeber anything. Jen almost puked in my car... Mer was driving no worries guys! By the way, its really hard to clean up a broken beer bottle on the floor, when you are drunk, but somehow I was able to do it....Also, dont ever try to pull a drunker person up the stairs when you are alreayd drunk yourself... not a good plan...
SATURDAY: I worked a morning shift... it was pretty busy... which is happy. Then I came home, got dinner and Mer and I had to go to the Jazz Festival and sell tickets.... it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Mer, Rene, and I ended up going to Cheddars to eat dinner afterwards. Later we went to Kellison's party, it wasnt half as fun as Tates. Probably because I didnt want to drink any because of the previous night. I did have 2 Smirnoff Twisted Raspberries! Yummy! But that was nothing.... then we came back to the apartment, and Tunde andRene came over, and then left when I was about to go to bed.
SUNDAY: Work again... it was a slow as hell day....quite retarded if you ask me... Then I got hoem from work, got dinner with Mer, washed my car and was lazy the rest of night....
MONDAY: Didnt go to my am classes again, I didnt feel well at all....no beuno...I saw AJ before band and he cut his hair. It looks good, I was just shocked that he had finnaly done it. He looks a lot different, more mature, but his face looks younger... you would just have to see it. We talked for a few minutes just before band. I love the pieces that we are playing on this Concert, so much better than the FLIGHT crap. Anyways....
TODAY: Had an ear training test, I did so bad. I couldn't get the rhythm dictation at all... I felt so stupid because that is the one thing that I always get totally correct. I am thinking about dropping the class, because I would rather drop than fail.... I just think that way...I didnt go to Social Psyc, we have a test next time too... I hope it gets bumped back....
I am thinking about going to Arizona over Spring Break... it just depends on how much money I have by the middle of next week...Well I have band in a little while, and I need to work on some SAI stuff...I have the music lit test today.... bah!
Mood: Cant be defined, depends on the moment
Its fun to take video of drunk people
I decided it was time to put up a new pic. It was like 3am when Mer took that picture. I had fallen asleep earlier with eyemakeup on and never got around to taking it off. I have some German HW I really should do. I am going to TRY to go to 9am class for German tomorrow because I want a nice break before my lesson. But thats not a gaurantee....lol. So yeah... Lessons were okay today, like no one paid me... grrrr. "Oh I forgot" was the awnser everyone gave me.. Grrness... Our Band Concert is Thursday, I think its going to go really well. And after all the receptions some of us are going to go out to Dinner. I need to show Julie some video mer and I made while she was drunk on friday, its really funny. Anyways... blah Gotta go read for Psychology
I skip way too much school
15 minutes until Social Psyc. I havent gone to that class in a few times, so I figured I need to go today. I have to go teach tonight, and I dont want to go to Music Lit... but we have a test next time... grrr! It all depends. Im also starving. I hate Ear Training. My ears won't train! Its so annoying, plus it doesnt help that we have class at 8:30 am! I am working on planning out 30 year Banquet for SAI. I have to call some restuarants, I looked some up online, but I need to call and find out which ones have banquet rooms... and blah blah. This is going to be a long week
Tuesday: Teach lessons till 8, hopefully Ill be home in time to call some restuarants
Wednesday: Work 5-9, study for Music Lit test
Thursday: Lit Test, SAI meeting, Band Concert from 7-god knows when, Dinner with KKY
Friday: Work 6-10.... RENT DUE!
yeah... no beuno. I need to get my eyebrows waxed again, I'll probaby do that on Sat Night after work....
Can A Moment Really Change Your Life?
Isnt it wierd how your whole perspective on life can change in a moment? I feel much better now. Yes, I didnt go to any classes today except for band but I do feel a million times better about school, and life in general. I want to get better at many different things, I want to handle money better, keep my life in order, finish the semester better than I begun. I know with school I have really screwed up this semester, but I want to get on track, and then continue thru the summer and next fall. Yesterday in my lesson Jessup said that after this semester I am half done with my undergrad. It didnt really hit me, and then tonight I was driving around aimlessly listening to music and it hit me. Oh my god, I am half way done. Damn, I need to get my shit in order. I am not ready to go out into the real world where I am right now, I would get eaten alive! Some other things, I was looking at things differently today, I wasnt in this totally pissed at the world mood, yes I felt liek crap this morning, but things got better. Hopefully I have passed my low point in college and things are going to get better.
KFC pissed me off!!!
Today started off well... and then it just got kind of blah...
I had a band rehearsal from 1-5, my mouth was dead, my teeth were cutting thru my lip, and my thumb was purple... but in reality it wasnt that bad. Then I went to a late lunch with Laura at RFC because she had never been there before. That was pretty fun.... Then I got back to my apt and started watching the Oscars and Cleaned out my drawers, put up laundry....then I got this really lonely depressed feeling. It was odd, I havent felt like that in a really long time. I felt really alone. Well for some reason I was hungry, and I couldnt decicde what I wanted to eat.... I ended up going to KFC. I got a twister combo with a Dr. Pepper NO ICE.... well I got the cup and there was ice in it... ok no big deal... I wasnt thirsty so I didnt drink it until I started back to my apt. Well it was pepsi, I hate pepsi.... Oh well common mistake.... well my twister thing had no lettuce on it, the fries were cold... and the tomatoes where white... gross! So needless to say, I wasnt very hungry... Not my day. I guess it wouldn't have been that bad, but I had this totall lonely feeling... I dunno, Im wierd.
I am trying to tell myself that things will get better in my life, but I don't know. I know Im not alone, but I really feel like I am. I dont have any desire to go to my classes, I dont know whats wrong with me. I am going to go to everyone of my classes this week and the next, then Spring Break will be a nice little break. Ive missed German soo much and I love the class, I just dont want to go sit in a class from for 50 minutes, does anyone else understand this problem? Same with my social psyc. I am in the library right now and I look around and see all these people hard at work on stuff, and I feel like I havent done anyhting this semester and Ive been here for 6 weeks.
I freaking cant find my student ID. I think its in my old wallet, and after midnight, they have people come around and check for IDs, well yeah, I am going to play it off as I dont know where it is. I am wearing a freakin SAI shirt for goodness sake. I pierced my own ear 2 times on thursday, and its really red... I need to take out the earrings and clean it, and try to get them back in before they close up. When I did my other holes myself, it never hurt like this... Enough for tonight, on to type MIT contact sheets.....
