A One-Sided View

My Thoughts... Here You Go

Have you ever stopped for a second in your daily life and realize how much everything around has changed? How everyone seems so different from just a few short years ago. I look at my close friends, some I have lost contact with over time, some I still speak to somewhere between weekly and daily. But we are all so different. Its hard for me to think that I am different as well. I know I am, I feel as though I have grown as person, I am stronger, I am able to stand up for my beliefs a little more now, and I’m not so much of a push over. But now, I feel like everyone has moved on from this place... Jens leaving for Austin in August, Cathleen left for St Louis long ago, Elizabeth is getting married in December to a wonderful boy... and AJ is leaving to Rochester in August. And what am I doing? I love all my friends, I am extremely happy that they have made choices in their lives and they are all getting closer to where they want to be... but what am I doing? I wait tables, trying to get back into school... I know that eventually I will. I was hoping to be able to come back in the fall, but unless business picks up at work, I wont be able to pay off the money I owe enough so I can pay off what I owe and have my financial aid pay off the rest... and at the same time, get my current situations caught up and manageable. I know it will pick up, plus I NEED to get better at saving money and not spending so much on stuff that isn’t as important as rent and car payments. I want to be better at this....

Back to the friends moving on.... the more I think about it, the more I think that my time here is done with. Its not just because all my friends are leaving and I'm "alone" because I know that I am not... but sometimes, I feel like its my time to move on as well. But where would I go? What in the world would I do? Id prefer to finish up school and go to grad school somewhere... but honestly, I don’t know when that will be happening right now. As stated above, I need to get money with school straight first.... How long could that take? My hope would be by August, so I can continue on with my life and not spend all my time working and do something interesting with my time.
I love all my friends dearly, and I know I will miss some more than others. With Jen.... I love you like you were my sister, (I know that sounds so cliché) but you have done so much for me as my friend, and I thank you for that. You’ve let me make my mistakes but you never hold them against me... for that I love you. I know you are going to Austin because its better for you and what you want to do, and I am extremely happy for you, and I am glad that you’re taking the necessary steps in your life to achieve your goals...
And my dearest AJ... you know what you mean to me. I love you very much, I'll miss you terribly, my life without you here will change drastically... I know I have been without you before, but you wont be physically near anymore... that has always been some sort of comfort to me... even if we weren’t speaking I knew you were a short car ride away and if I needed you, I could just get in my car and see you. But now you’ll be in Rochester... not just a short car ride away anymore. I am so proud of you for achieving your dreams and taking the necessary steps to get there... You have to go, I know this, but that wont make me miss you any less. You will achieve so much, and for this, I am happy to know you and be able to call you my friend... but it will be different now, and I’m not sure if I am honestly ready to deal with this difference. But as stated before I know this is something you have to do, and I know this is the right thing for you to do... and there is no way in hell that I would even attempt to keep you here... I am just saying my feelings, and if you happen to read this I just want you to know them. You’re an absolutely wonderful person, I am happy to know you and I will miss you greatly. I know I have some time before you leave to make this adjustment as well... so maybe when you actually leave I wont have such drastic feelings... or I can hide them better... who knows....

I think that is enough for now... love you all

~Auf Wierderschrieben!

posted by Annie @ 12:03 AM