A One-Sided View

Is this really happening?

Its been a kinda slightly eventful past couple of days. Lets see... I talked to AJ for a few hours, well several... and it was a real conversation. We talked about a shit-load of stuff from how the fan was making me sick looking at it, to a lot of stuff about him an Sam and me and what I have been doing. I was never once jealous and niether was he. Thats why I said the other day that hell froze over and all that stuff. Don't get me wrong, I greatly enjoyed the conversation, it felt nice to be able to talk to him again. I mean the boy was my best friend for 3 years, excluding the time during the summer that we didn't talk. I still do love him, just not in a passionate way anymore, I haven't felt that for quite sometime. I told him that. He responded with the same awnser. Everything is out in the open now. He knows I think about him from time to time, wonder what if, wonder if certain things were different how we would be right now. But I really don't want a realtionship with him, I want a very good friendship. But of course that will take time, like all other things, and I am willing to be patient. But now I know we can talk again, which gives me some comfort. I mean its really hard when one day you have your best friend (well we were fighting, but go with me here) and then boom suddenly thats taken from you, its kind of hard to deal with. I know it will be a LONG time before AJ and I can do anything besides talk at school or the phone, maybe get lunch, but again, I am willing to wait. He is a good person and he deserves someone wonderful, and from what he told me about Sam, he has found someone wonderful. It does make me sad that he has found someone that makes him happy and its not me, but I made him happy for a very long time... we fit together for a very long time. But our time is over now... we don't fit anymore *in a relationship* and I am able to deal with this. I had an AJ that no one else will ever be able to have. My AJ is a horn player, a musician, a bassist, a guy who is incredibly intellegent, loves math, all state horn player, wanted to be a horn player... basically a horn player... but thats not who he is now. Now hes a math geek, hes still AJ, but hes different, basically, hes not the AJ that I was in love with. But hes the AJ thats right for Sam... I hope that makes sense. I had and will always have musician AJ and he will never be that person again, and Sam has math AJ who makes her happy. So there.... enough about that....
I slept the day away on Friday because I stayed on the phone all night. My brother came over, I think I told him that I would do something when I woke up... well I woke up at 10:30 because my phone was ringing and then I remebered that I promised Cathleen that I would go to the Animation Show at the Inwood with her. It was pretty cool, some of the stuff was like.... what the fuck am I watching, but mostly it was cool. I worked a double on Saturday, I think I made like 80 bucks, it wasn't very busy. The computers crashed and for 5 minutes there was complete crazyness. I mean it was like hell. Everyone was going crazy. All of the computers, so no one was able to put in orders or print checks... nicht! Then I went to dinner with my friend Catherine and came home and went to sleep... just to wake up and go to work again today.. who-hoo! I watched Sex and the City tonight, I cried. Oh well, I am going to miss that show. I think I have rambled enough tonight.... Love you all!
Mood: very pleased and happy

posted by Annie @ 11:32 PM